A review: I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki, Baek Sehee
How I review books;
Top notes - a first impression. A practical summary of everything you need to know including a completely biased view on how much I liked the cover.
Middle notes - the foundation. Readability / structure and characters.
Base notes - the impression. Interpretation and everything else.
Top notes:
16 chapters, 194 pages, read in 2 days.
Author Baek Sehee. First printed in Great Britain in 2022 and printed by Bloomsbury Publishing. Translated from Korean by Anton Hur.
I picked up the green and pink cover of this book, I only creased the spine once - despite my annotations and bookmarking. This book will remain forever in my library (library being my stack of books in my living room, I don’t want to deceive you into thinking I live in a castle… or do, manifest it for me, thanks).
Middle notes:
A personal story, the author Baek Sehee’s journey with her mental health and dysthymia (persistent mild depression). The writing is predominantly a transcription of conversations from various sessions with her psychiatrist.
The book is arranged by;
Chapters 1-12 - transcriptions of conversations with the psychiatrist. There is a specific theme per chapter. At the end of most chapters is a page or two offering reflections and come additional thoughts (these pages were my favourite).
Chapter 13 - an epilogue.
Chapter 14 - written from the psychiatrist’s point of view.
Chapter 15 - postscript. Following therapy a selection of writing pertaining to various topics.
Chapter 16 - a tteokbokki recipe.
Base notes:
Coming in strong - this book moved me to tears, many times. In some cases it was the first time I have seen some of my experiences reflected back to me via someone else’s writing. Not all the author’s experiences resonated with me - and that did not matter. For me this book holds beauty in its power to make you feel less alone and helping to understand how other people may think or feel.
Whether you have struggled with your mental health or not, been to therapy or not - this book will resonate with you in some way. There were some sentences that stayed with me, some that felt a mirror were being held up to me whilst others made me realise (such as the quote below) that it is ok to be yourself.
“Being imperfect is all right and being awkward is ok. You don’t have to cheer up. I can do well today, or not. It’ll be an experience either way. And that’s fine.”
A note on the psychiatry sessions, my experience with therapy is very different to the author’s. In chapter 14 the psychiatrist writes in their insight that ‘I regretted some of my counselling choices and wished I could have been a bigger help to the author' (page 155). From my experience I just wanted to say; there is no right or wrong way to do therapy, not every session feels like a breakthrough and there are many approaches that can be taken. I am not a professional and have no comments / can’t comment on the approaches that the psychiatrist in this book took.
This is a written reflection of someone’s very human experiences - as a reader you can take what you wish from this book.
“I hope you find points of connection between you and me on these pages. My desire to be of help and consolation is as powerful as ever.”
I know my experience with my mental health and therapy and have not had insight into someone else’s experiences in this way before. So when you read this book don’t think that there is one way to ‘do therapy’ there are so many different approaches, experiences and ways. This book just provides you with an insight into someone’s experiences, thoughts and reflections, in the hopes of helping others.
The last thing to say, is thank you to the author. For being brave enough to be vulnerable and honest with your writing. I will be the first to buy the sequel I want to die but I still want to eat tteokbokki. Further conversations with my psychiatrist.
Speak soon!
Ms ASK