A review: I want to die but I still want to eat tteokbokki, Baek Sehee
How I review books:
Top notes - a first impression. A practical summary of everything you need to know including a completely biased view on how much I liked the cover.
Middle notes - the foundation. Readability / structure and characters.
Base notes - the impression. Interpretation and everything else.
Top notes:
14 chapters, 204 pages, read in 2 days.
Author Baek Sehee, translated by Anton Hur.
First printed in Great Britain in 2024 and printed by Bloomsbury Publishing. This is the sequel to; I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki.
My copy was purchased in Waterstones, I believe this hardback version, as pictured, is exclusive to them. I really like that this book cover echoes the first, with slight differences. My copy has sprayed edges which I really love. As with the first book, this book will forever remain in my library.
You can read my review of the first book; I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki - here.
Middle notes:
This is the continuation of Baek Sehee’s story and experience with her mental health. The writing flowed in the same format as the first book (which I really enjoyed). The book is predominantly a transcription of conversations from various sessions with her psychiatrist.
The book is arranged by;
✨To the readers of the English edition
✨Prologue
✨Chapters 1-14 - transcriptions of conversations with the psychiatrist. There is a specific theme per chapter, which have a short introduction and following the transcription there are reflections and additional thoughts provided - as with the first book these pages were my favourite.
✨Afterword.
Base notes:
Baek Sehee outlines at the start of the book (in my copy - within the to the readers of the English version section) that there is some material in this book that some may find disturbing. This is her story, but as with anything we read, see or hear - there are times that we may not be in the right place to be exposed to certain themes, and that is ok. She even says to close the book for a moment if you need to. I had her words in my mind as I turned the pages. I was ok to read about some of these themes at the time of reading the book, but I know that there would have been times, even recently, where I would have found it a bit more challenging.
It doesn’t feel right for me to review this book in a way I would other books. What I will tell you is how this book impacted me…I felt emotional reading the first book; I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki, being moved to tears on several occasions. Experiences were reflected back to me via the author sharing their experiences. This book went a step further, it felt deeper, certain feelings, some of which I haven’t understood before were presented to me via Baek Sehee’s words.
“I realised I had never completely accepted myself as I am, that I had never embraced my past and wanted only to rid myself of it’”
I struggled with chapters 4 and 5 because of the themes covered. I struggled because I was reading someone’s story, their raw and honest emotions and experience and I struggled with the fact I could resonate with certain things I read the way I could. Through her words Baek Sehee reminds us that healing is not linear, this phrase is used widely, but this book shows what this looked like for the author.
Books like this are so important. I have read many ‘self-help’ and ‘self-development’ books and for me I am not sure I would consider this a ‘self-help’ book in the traditional sense. I see it entirely differently and I feel like it deserves a category of its own.
This book made me feel less alone, it helped me to understand myself better in some ways and it reminded me that healing is not linear and that is ok. For me this book provides an insight into a lived experience, therapy and the realities of struggling with mental health. Books like this contribute to the destigmatisation of mental health and the importance of treating your mental health as you would your physical health and seeking help.
“I was sick. I can differentiate between sick me and healthy me”
I would recommend you read: I want to die but I want to eat ttekbokki first and then read this sequel. I also recommend that you read and consider the author’s caution on themes covered at the beginning of the book.
Baek Sehee’s writing is a beautiful example of what honesty and what sharing your experiences through art can do to help others. I may never meet Baek Sehee but her books have resonated with me in a way I can’t properly find the words to thank her for. Her hope for this book being a point of connection between her and her reader and offering consolation - for me is exactly what this book did and more.
Ms ASK