Short Story: The Launderette
Maybe it was a coincidence.
Maybe she was chosen.
Maybe it was a gap in the market which needed to be filled.
I don’t think anyone could have advertised ‘looking for a cleaner for the underworld’.
My underworld clients were both of this world and not; hitmen, mafia, bored housewives, demons, elves, witches…
I have wondered why the latter couldn’t clean up their own mess with whatever other-worldly powers they possess. It turns out that a red wine stain is hard to remove in any realm. The irony of using Vanish on a demon’s cloak will never fail to amaze me.
I run, or used to run a very normal launderette, just of Baker Square in London. For many years 80% of my clients came from holiday lets, Airbnbs or hotels in the local area. It was endless towels and sheets - a bit boring really. I am known for removing any, and I mean any, stain.
Every stain tells a story - most of them mind numbingly normal. Until one evening a very; tall, pale, in my mind - ill looking man came into the launderette in a panic. It was 10pm, he looked distraught.
‘Please can you help me, I need to clean these towels and this rug or the Airbnb host will charge me a fortune’.
I looked into the two Ikea bags he was carrying, the towels and rug were covered in blood. In that moment, I don’t know why, I decided to ask no questions - but ask for double my usual fee.
He left his name as ‘Count’ and said he would be back 2 hours before sunrise.
It took me 3 hours in total, and of course all stains were removed. I did wonder why Mr ‘Count’ didn’t just order new towels and a rug on Amazon Prime?
… I had my answer when he paid me in rubies and a ‘favour from a raven’ - whatever that means. I am more forgiving than Bezos so I accepted. I will figure out what to tell my accountant later.
The next few weeks saw a slew of unusual, but new, clients. All recommended to me by the ‘Count’. There were also a number of new clients from this world, well the underworld of this world. As it happens there is a part of the internet , Reddit-esque for; vampires, demons, hitmen etc. called ‘ASK 666’. I was posted on the thread ‘Launderettes that are good and don’t ask questions’.
I battled morally with the jobs I was taking on, I allowed the stains I was treating to tell me their story. I trusted my instincts… or whatever else I was telling myself as a justification.
An ear fell out of a laundry bag of one elderly gentleman - I told him to take himself and the ear elsewhere. He pointed at me and called me a witch. I don’t think he knew what year we were in. I said thank you.
Who would I report any of this to anyway? Not the police? Not sure there was a way of connecting to the ‘otherworld’ authorities - so I continued…